Q: What's the difference between a striker and a puppy?

A: A puppy will eventually stop whining.

Q: Which goalkeeper can jump higher than a crossbar?

A: All of them, crossbars can't jump.

Q: Where do soccer players dance?

A: At a soccer ball

David Beckham Jokes:

David Beckham is visiting a school.  In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stands up and offers that if my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street and a car came along and killed him that would be a tragedy. "No," Beckham says, "that would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved..... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Beckham. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS." The room is silent, none of the children volunteer. "What?" asks Beckham, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally a boy in the back raises his hand.  In a timid voice, he says "If an airplane carrying David Beckham was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy." Beckham beams.  "Marvellous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy  "because it wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Q: What would David Beckham's name be if he was a Spice Girl?
A: Waste of Spice

David Beckham has gone crazy believing Posh has been having an affair on him. In manic rage, he goes out and buys a gun. He rushes home to confront his wife, and finds her in bed with none other than Ruud Van Nistelroy.
Devastated, Beckham takes out the gun and points it at his own head.
"No, David don't do it." Posh cries jumping up from her spot underneath the covers...."I'm sorry and I know we can work this out."
"Shut up and sit back Victoria." Beckham replies. "You're next."

Soccer Blonde A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. The blonde approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "Okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, the blonde then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

Heaven vs. Hell Hours after the end of the world, a border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth. God, always fair, told the devil, 'the heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?' The devil, smiling, responded 'yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."

Rules Of The Game At one point during a soccer game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when offsides is called, or a handball is not called, you don't argue or curse or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."